What a Valentine's Day

Valentines Day 2015 was surprising not bad, coming from an eternally single person. I am sad that I am single, and I didn't avoid being sad about that the whole day, but most of the day I had a great time with my best friend.

Last year on valentines day was the first time I had ever gotten drunk, and I spent the week leading to valentines day ready to celebrate the anniversary, which I did, but that is not what is important. What is important is that I spent the day with my best friend just having fun. I did my makeup nice, dressed comfortably and didn't plan anything. We ended up going to lunch with her parents(that are basically my parents) and then running into her brother, sister in law and their baby on the street. In a weird way I felt like that was showing me that there are other sources of love than a romantic relationship. Being at college and only coming home on the weekends make it really hard to plan a time to see my nephew so running into them and getting to see him for a little bit was just what I needed, cause man, I love that little guy so much.

My best friend and I then went and fed one of our friend's animals because they were out of town, and at their house we found the sweetest stray cat and I named her Penelope. This is another way I was shown that I don't need romantic love to be happy, because my love for animals fills me with so much joy. Although one of the toughest parts of valentines day was not being able to be with Toby, my sweet puppy.

After that we went back to her house and watched the terrible/amazing movie Another Cinderella Story and we laughed and sang the whole way through even though she doesn't really like dumb teen movies like that. Then we watched Gone Girl for the second time in her room, while I drank half a bottle of vodka, I don't recommend this, but hey, its what happened. That is the only time when I actually felt sad about being single, so it goes to show how important other love is in your life.

I have depression and anxiety, but this year I was happy on Valentines day, which is a first for me. I know that a lot of people probably had a struggle and I have been there, and here it comes...... It gets better. It's hard to admit because I have refused to believe it for so long, but at least some things, get better. I'm still depressed, I still have terrible anxiety, I still don't think I will ever get over that, but it's okay to let happiness happen.

I don't believe I deserve happiness today, but on Valentines day I did, and I had a good day.
So try to let yourself feel happy, you deserve it.

The thing that has helped me the most recently is surrounding myself with amazing people. I found a great group of friends at college and they share my humor and they like being around me, it is a great thing and it has really helped me to let myself be a little happier.

I know this is a jumble, but I hope maybe it helps someone out. I hope you all had an amazing
Valentine's day and I also hope you know it is okay if you didn't. Maybe in a year or two you will be writing about how it gets better, at least I hope you feewl that way because you deserve to be happy!

with love, thefloralwitch

What a Cute Dog

This is my sweet angel Toby. Enjoy looking at his adorable face.

I tried to think of something to write, but my brain is fried with school stuff so please leave me suggestions of things to write. 

For now, thefloralwitch

and her cute dog

What a Fake

Pretending to be something you are not.

It's a dangerous game and I have learned to play it in many ways. I think that I am protecting myself, but I am constantly down about the fact that I feel like I can't truly be who I am with the people I love. Sometimes I feel so isolated and alone because a large part of my life is a lie.

Hahaha I hope my family doesn't find this because I will then not be able to hide anymore, but I want to be honest here so the two things I lie about to my family are

1. I am not a Christian(this is the big one because they really are)
2. I have depression(its just not something I want them to know)

The family that I am referring to is what I call my adopted family, they babysat my and my brother since we were babies and I grew to be best friends with their daughter who is four years older than me(my real brother's age). I now stay with them on weekends and in the summer and I am considered family to their whole family. My actual family is unstable, but they do know these two facts about me.

Anyways, my adopted family are extremely conservative Christians and I feel like if they knew that I don't believe, they wouldn't except me anymore and I would have to deal with constant criticism because of it. I already get quite a bit of grief because I do not lie about being a liberal feminist. It is so sad and scary to know that the most important source of love in your life, could completely diminish if they found out the truth about you. Thinking of this also makes me realize that they don't even know the real me so the love isn't necessarily real either.

The depression thing is more of a depression thing, if that makes sense? It's a thing to hide, it's a thing I'm afraid of. But they should know, its not hard to see, and that makes me sad.

The point of this isn't to point out the flaws in my family, or even the flaws in me. I just wanted to share my fears, I wanted to let people know that lying to the people you love about who you are isn't smart and I hope you don't ever have too.

I'm sorry if this is a bit of a downer, but I vowed to be honest. I would also really love opinions or advice on the matter, because its a heavy thing to carry around and i'm trying not to be afraid to ask for support.

For now, thefloralwitch

What a Hard Thing to Respond too

I am coming here to debrief. My class just watched a film called Enjoy Poverty which is based in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. It was about the fact that Westerners come in and photograph poverty and make money from it, when the people in the photographs make nothing. It was an art piece/documentary film that showed extremely disturbing and upsetting images.

After watching it I don't know what to do. It seams wrong to have just come back to my nice dorm and opened my laptop to watch Parks and Recreation before my next class. My eyes just watched children starving and dead corpses and here I am on a nice laptop, something they will never get to use. So instead of watching my show I just wanted to vent a little bit, I wanted to note that I was effected by it, but that I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to not feel like shit because I will never have to deal with that bad of conditions. In the film the artist says how their poverty makes westerners happy because it makes them realize the stability in their lives, but it just makes me feel terrible and selfish. I don't think everything is okay because I could have it worse, I think everything isn't okay because I should have it worse.

Responding to things like this is super hard for me and I let it really control my emotions for a while, but I have to be careful because what is just my sad response and time to think can easily turn into a bad episode of my depression.

This post is extremely depressing and really has no purpose to anyone but me, but if you read it, thank you for being respectful to my reflection.

I will try to have a post with a better mood soon, but this was just me needing a place to write to help myself understand my own thoughts.

For now, thefloralwitch

What a Work in Progress

I have to admit something, I am terrible at starting things and I am even worse at it if I don't see immediate results. This is why I am still an extremely overweight person, and why I haven't made a new blog post in days.

So I'm sorry, if you care, and I am really going to try and be better. It is just so hard for me to find motivation to keep posting when I know I have less than 5 readers, which is so silly because I am amazed that I have any readers and I am really appreciative of the ones I do have.

Things take time, blogs take time, youtube channels take time and good relationships take time. You cant just make a super good friend by barely speaking to them, so I need to keep talking to you guys. I have the same problem with my youtube channel, but I don't feel it has half the potential that this blog does, so I will work on putting more time and energy into my posts.

Now despite having little motivation to post, I have also been tremendously busy and stressed. Winter term (my second term) just started and I am transitioning from 13 to 17 credits and it is harder than I expected. I have had a couple really hard days due to anxiety and stress this last week, but I am feeling a little better now and would just like to end this post with the positive things about this term.

1. Campus is gorgeous in any weather
2. I have met a couple really great people and am starting to make some real friends
3. My classes are almost all interesting to me
4. Terms are only 3 months so I don't have long to go

I am sorry this post is so short and basically just me stating my excuses for not posting, but I do really want to try harder and make this blog something worth reading. Any support or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and I hope anyone reading this had or is having an amazing day!

For now. thefloralwitch

"Just because something isn't happening for you right now doesn't mean it will never happen. All good things take time."- unknown

What a Collection of 2014 Beauty Products

So here is my favorite beauty products of 2014!!!!!!!!

Comment if you want me to do reviews on any specific items.

Also I lost my favorite lipstick of the year, which I believe was called licorice and it was a dark purple from Nyx. So that is not pictured, but I recently bought the Maybelline Divine Wine lipstick to replace it because I could no longer find it in stores. I also really love Divine Wine. 

I would love to go into more detail on any of these products, so please tell me if you would like to know more! 

Sorry it is hard to see the two eye shadow palettes with the Naked 3 one, but if you want I will do more detail shots on them. 

Hope you enjoy!

Please let me know some of your beauty favorites from 2014 and be sure to comment if you want to know more about any of these.

for now, thefloralwitch

What a Favorite Outfit

So it has been a few days, I know to start a successful blog you gotta be reliable and keep to some sort of schedule, but I just got back to college so things have been a little crazy. And by crazy I mainly mean that I missed a whole month of Youtube videos due to having limited internet at home and I am also going from 13 credits to 17, so I have been a bit busy.

Anyways, I hope whoever is reading this is doing well! I just thought I would share my current favorite outfit because I am obsessed.

I guess the normal thing to do in this type of post is say where you got the items, so here we go.

Sweater: Fred Meyers plus/womans
Leather leggings: Gstagelove website - link
Boots: Payless ShoeSource - link
Socks: Target

I love the sweater a lot, but have had it for a couple months so it is quite fuzzy with lint and such so it doesn't look as nice, but I still love it.

The leather leggings are my favorite thing ever and I never wanna live without them, but there is bummer when it comes to them. I got a pair for Christmas and proceeded to wear them almost every day for the rest of break and the fake leather has almost completely worn off. So now they are basically black leggings with a little bit of reflectiveness. The pair featured in the photo is my second pair that I bought and plan to not wear as much because I love them and want them to last. It is kind of understandable because they were only 13.99, but I wish they would last because they are super cute and comfy.

The boots are my favorite things ever and I have worn them every day since getting them. They are super comfy and so easy to put on because they have a zipper.

And the socks are just super cute and perfect length to pop above the boots a tiny bit.

Anyways that is my current favorite outfit, If you care! haha. I am planning on making a favorite books of 2014 post and a favorite beauty products post. So I hope that gives you something to look forward to seeing on here.

Have a wonderful day, sorry for the delay.

For now, thefloralwitch