What a Lesson Learned

As for now, this is  my New Years post. I was originally planning on making a resolution list  like the ones on Tumblr where they aren't about changing yourself, but just about living a happier healthier life. But I never felt like writing that so I decided to write about last year.

Here are some of the main things that I learned last year:

1. Do it:
Wear what you wanna wear, say what you wanna say, be who you wanna be. I spent the last year or more of high school desperately wanting to wear red/dark lipstick and I was too afraid, but once I got to college I did it, I bought a dark purple color and I started wearing it all the time. Well after I first bought it I would just wear it at home because I was still afraid to wear it outside, but then I posted a picture wearing it on instagram, saying how I loved it, but was too afraid to wear it in public and I had some lovely friends who commented and told me that I should. So I did. I did it, and now it is my favorite lip color and I feel powerful when I wear it.
I also asked for a pair of pleather leggings for Christmas and by the time they had arrived I was afraid they weren't gonna fit, but then I was afraid that they would. I mean no one wants to see the fat girl in leggings, none the less pleather leggings. But I love them and I have worn them almost every day since getting them(I also have a second pair in the post).

So what I am saying is that if something makes you happy, granted it doesn't hurt anyone else, do it. It is the most liberating thing in the world to wear what you want too.

2. Change is scary, but give it time:
I started college this year, I knew it was going to be scary, but I was so excited to get out of my home that I didn't spend anytime preparing for the change. The first few weeks were the worst weeks I have had recently in terms of anxiety and depression. I have had a lot of bad anxiety situations in my life, but they usually come and go, this was really bad anxiety non stop for about two and a half weeks with no letting up. I was calling up my dad and crying every few days, not sure if I even wanted to stay the whole term. After those couple of terrible weeks it started to get better, but I still wanted out, I had decided that I would finish the year and then I would transfer to a community college until I was actually ready for university. Then one day I realized that I didn't want to leave, I want to go there next year, I am only worried about my roommate situation because my roommate(who I knew before) might transfer.

Anyways what I am trying to say here is give change a chance. It can be really extremely hard, but once you get through that it might be really extremely good.

3. Don't hold on to negative feelings:
Everyone says this, but it is like the hardest thing for me. I have bad feelings that I am holding on two from about 2+ years ago. I used to carry them with me everywhere, the bad feelings, I wanted people to listen to me, to care about it. No one did, they didn't understand why I was so hurt and eventually they got tired of me talking about it. So I stopped. This may be why I still hold on to it because I was never really able to talk about it or receive closure, but I don't carry it with me everyday. I keep it in a drawer that sometimes overflows and devastates me all over again, but it is better than feeling sad every day because of it.

Basically, I learned that this is true, but I haven't quite mastered it. If you are stronger than me I highly suggest you do let go of things that make you sad because you deserve to be happy.


That is it for now on my list of important things I learned in 2014. It was an important year and I know I learned more, but this is what sticks out to me right now. Let me know in the comments what you learned this year that you think might help me or anyone who might read it.

Thanks for reading, thefloralwitch