What a Fake

Pretending to be something you are not.

It's a dangerous game and I have learned to play it in many ways. I think that I am protecting myself, but I am constantly down about the fact that I feel like I can't truly be who I am with the people I love. Sometimes I feel so isolated and alone because a large part of my life is a lie.

Hahaha I hope my family doesn't find this because I will then not be able to hide anymore, but I want to be honest here so the two things I lie about to my family are

1. I am not a Christian(this is the big one because they really are)
2. I have depression(its just not something I want them to know)

The family that I am referring to is what I call my adopted family, they babysat my and my brother since we were babies and I grew to be best friends with their daughter who is four years older than me(my real brother's age). I now stay with them on weekends and in the summer and I am considered family to their whole family. My actual family is unstable, but they do know these two facts about me.

Anyways, my adopted family are extremely conservative Christians and I feel like if they knew that I don't believe, they wouldn't except me anymore and I would have to deal with constant criticism because of it. I already get quite a bit of grief because I do not lie about being a liberal feminist. It is so sad and scary to know that the most important source of love in your life, could completely diminish if they found out the truth about you. Thinking of this also makes me realize that they don't even know the real me so the love isn't necessarily real either.

The depression thing is more of a depression thing, if that makes sense? It's a thing to hide, it's a thing I'm afraid of. But they should know, its not hard to see, and that makes me sad.

The point of this isn't to point out the flaws in my family, or even the flaws in me. I just wanted to share my fears, I wanted to let people know that lying to the people you love about who you are isn't smart and I hope you don't ever have too.

I'm sorry if this is a bit of a downer, but I vowed to be honest. I would also really love opinions or advice on the matter, because its a heavy thing to carry around and i'm trying not to be afraid to ask for support.

For now, thefloralwitch