As for now, this is my New Years post. I was originally planning on making a resolution list like the ones on Tumblr where they aren't about changing yourself, but just about living a happier healthier life. But I never felt like writing that so I decided to write about last year.
Here are some of the main things that I learned last year:
1. Do it:
Wear what you wanna wear, say what you wanna say, be who you wanna be. I spent the last year or more of high school desperately wanting to wear red/dark lipstick and I was too afraid, but once I got to college I did it, I bought a dark purple color and I started wearing it all the time. Well after I first bought it I would just wear it at home because I was still afraid to wear it outside, but then I posted a picture wearing it on instagram, saying how I loved it, but was too afraid to wear it in public and I had some lovely friends who commented and told me that I should. So I did. I did it, and now it is my favorite lip color and I feel powerful when I wear it.
I also asked for a pair of pleather leggings for Christmas and by the time they had arrived I was afraid they weren't gonna fit, but then I was afraid that they would. I mean no one wants to see the fat girl in leggings, none the less pleather leggings. But I love them and I have worn them almost every day since getting them(I also have a second pair in the post).
So what I am saying is that if something makes you happy, granted it doesn't hurt anyone else, do it. It is the most liberating thing in the world to wear what you want too.
2. Change is scary, but give it time:
I started college this year, I knew it was going to be scary, but I was so excited to get out of my home that I didn't spend anytime preparing for the change. The first few weeks were the worst weeks I have had recently in terms of anxiety and depression. I have had a lot of bad anxiety situations in my life, but they usually come and go, this was really bad anxiety non stop for about two and a half weeks with no letting up. I was calling up my dad and crying every few days, not sure if I even wanted to stay the whole term. After those couple of terrible weeks it started to get better, but I still wanted out, I had decided that I would finish the year and then I would transfer to a community college until I was actually ready for university. Then one day I realized that I didn't want to leave, I want to go there next year, I am only worried about my roommate situation because my roommate(who I knew before) might transfer.
Anyways what I am trying to say here is give change a chance. It can be really extremely hard, but once you get through that it might be really extremely good.
3. Don't hold on to negative feelings:
Everyone says this, but it is like the hardest thing for me. I have bad feelings that I am holding on two from about 2+ years ago. I used to carry them with me everywhere, the bad feelings, I wanted people to listen to me, to care about it. No one did, they didn't understand why I was so hurt and eventually they got tired of me talking about it. So I stopped. This may be why I still hold on to it because I was never really able to talk about it or receive closure, but I don't carry it with me everyday. I keep it in a drawer that sometimes overflows and devastates me all over again, but it is better than feeling sad every day because of it.
Basically, I learned that this is true, but I haven't quite mastered it. If you are stronger than me I highly suggest you do let go of things that make you sad because you deserve to be happy.
That is it for now on my list of important things I learned in 2014. It was an important year and I know I learned more, but this is what sticks out to me right now. Let me know in the comments what you learned this year that you think might help me or anyone who might read it.
Thanks for reading, thefloralwitch
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
What a Snapshot
So my parents are moving(being foreclosed on, but that is another story) I am leaving a lot of stuff because a lot of it is unnecessary and besides seeing my dad and dog I hate going home. They only have about two days left and I visited today because it is my dad's birthday. He really wanted me to take another look in my room so I did in fear of loosing something important.
While rummaging through my stuff I came across two vintage cameras and some film and prints from the film photography class I took sophomore year. I scanned some of the pictures up because I thought they were cool to look at and that they would make a fun blog post.
The photos aren't that great and they have a lot of printing errors, but I think that that makes them look cooler, here are a few of them!
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While rummaging through my stuff I came across two vintage cameras and some film and prints from the film photography class I took sophomore year. I scanned some of the pictures up because I thought they were cool to look at and that they would make a fun blog post.
The photos aren't that great and they have a lot of printing errors, but I think that that makes them look cooler, here are a few of them!
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| Contact Sheet |
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| I entered a better print of this photo in the County Fair and got Grand Champion |
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| Saved film strips |
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| Polaroid and German Camera |
I hope you enjoyed looking at the film prints and the two collector cameras I own! I love looking at old cameras and I really wish that these two worked. Let me know if you know any fun information about these cameras!
For now, thefloralwitch
I know I didn't talk about New Years like I said I would, but I am still not in a clear state of mind so I am putting it off till later. Hope you had an amazing day!
What a Way to Start the New Year
I shouldn't do it, I shouldn't blog when I am sad. I know this is a terrible idea, but I am too tired to even stop myself. I am sorry to be a downer on the new year, but some times(most times) I cant choose when the darkness comes and goes. So here we go, I am going to try and keep it light, but this is kind of what blogs are for, venting.
Despite being the slightest bit hungover and the largest bit tired, today actually started out really great. I had to get up early, which was a drag, to go meet my aunt who was visiting for breakfast. That was pretty good, but longer than I had planned unfortunately. I had to get back to town because I was planning on meeting two friends, one visiting from out of town and one who I haven't seen since graduation.
These are two amazing girls, I love them both so much and I know they never would mean to hurt me. Our friendship has always been the same, they were best friends before and kind of adopted me into their little group, which is great, the only problem is they can be mean. Not in the secret manipulative way, but more the straight out way that they play off as teasing. Sometimes they are both super nice, but then Lilly will start being mean and eventually Sandra will join in. Lilly and me actually used to hate each other all through elementary and middle school, but now we are really close. They don't mean their teasing in a rude way at all, but with a weak mind like mine, it always gets to me. I would say that these two girls are my best friends, and my roommate, from high school.
Back to the day. We started off with just talking while they ate lunch and that was great! Except that I was a lot later than I was supposed to be because of my breakfast with my aunt. Then we fought(not really) about what to do and eventually decided on bowling(our original plan). We only got one game because Sandra had to work at 4 and it was like 3. Bowling went awesome and we had a lot of fun, I even agreed to every picture they wanted to take(I usually wont let anyone take a pic of me unless I am controlling the camera, I will make a post about this later). After bowling we headed over to Sandra's work, while we waited for her shift we decided that we would all dye my hair after(she got off at 9). So we went to buy the dye and left her to her work. I ended up driving Lilly to her hotel that she was staying in, after doing a lot of unnecessary driving on the way while we were deciding where to go. She had a dinner with her family so I headed back to the farm(where I kind of live).
Where I live is about 15-20 min drive from the town that we met in at first. The second town we went to was about 15-20 mins away from there. And the last town that we got to after going through a couple towns was also like 20-25 mins away or a little more cause of the route we ended up taking. Then to drive back from that town to the farm was about 30-40 mins, maybe more. I had to drive all of this, some alone and some with Lilly, while hungover and super tired.
All and all it was a super fun day despite all the driving and tiredness. I waited at the farm and was really excited, although nervous for the hair part. My hair has never been completely dyed before and we didn't go for just a one color thing, we mixed. This is when they started doing their thing, at first it was okay, but with my anxiety about my hair it finally got to me. At one point they obviously whispered to each other, I think it was because we ran out of dye, but they would not tell me what they said and got mad at me for asking. Things like that really get to me because I can't stand not knowing.
I also am that kind of person who thinks that if I am not there, I am being talked about. So it was really hard for me to deal with that.
Also while writing this, I realize that while I was waiting for them to come over my friend's mom(basically my mom, I live with and stuff) said something really hurtful to me which is probably why I am actually upset. Maybe I should talk about this instead, maybe I will in another post.
Anyways, they both got super tired and annoyed cause it was late and Sandra had to drive Lilly home because it was at my house and I had already driven her a lot that day. Although they stayed until it was done and helped me blow dry it so they could see. They were really excited about the color, it isn't exactly what I wanted, but I think I like it too. Whenever I do something to my hair it takes a while for me to get used to it. After they saw it and said it looked good they left. Thinking about it now I shouldn't really be upset and I think that it was more the hurtful comment from earlier/anxiety/tiredness. I really appreciate them for coming out to the farm and helping me with my hair, I just wish they didn't have to tease me. I will make a post later about being that friend(the third wheel) cause I always am.
I am actually super glad I wrote this out because even though I feel like breaking down right now, I realize it inst because of what my friends did.
I'm sorry that this was a really long dumb story with no real reason or interest, but it really helped me. I will make more posts pertaining to the things I said earlier and they should make more sense, I will also probably make another New Years post because it is something I would like to talk about.
For now, I am sorry to be such a downer, but I hope your new year has started out better than mine.
This quote I found on Tumblr is something I really relate too and it reminds me of what happened tonight. Sorry for the sad things!
Despite being the slightest bit hungover and the largest bit tired, today actually started out really great. I had to get up early, which was a drag, to go meet my aunt who was visiting for breakfast. That was pretty good, but longer than I had planned unfortunately. I had to get back to town because I was planning on meeting two friends, one visiting from out of town and one who I haven't seen since graduation.
These are two amazing girls, I love them both so much and I know they never would mean to hurt me. Our friendship has always been the same, they were best friends before and kind of adopted me into their little group, which is great, the only problem is they can be mean. Not in the secret manipulative way, but more the straight out way that they play off as teasing. Sometimes they are both super nice, but then Lilly will start being mean and eventually Sandra will join in. Lilly and me actually used to hate each other all through elementary and middle school, but now we are really close. They don't mean their teasing in a rude way at all, but with a weak mind like mine, it always gets to me. I would say that these two girls are my best friends, and my roommate, from high school.
Back to the day. We started off with just talking while they ate lunch and that was great! Except that I was a lot later than I was supposed to be because of my breakfast with my aunt. Then we fought(not really) about what to do and eventually decided on bowling(our original plan). We only got one game because Sandra had to work at 4 and it was like 3. Bowling went awesome and we had a lot of fun, I even agreed to every picture they wanted to take(I usually wont let anyone take a pic of me unless I am controlling the camera, I will make a post about this later). After bowling we headed over to Sandra's work, while we waited for her shift we decided that we would all dye my hair after(she got off at 9). So we went to buy the dye and left her to her work. I ended up driving Lilly to her hotel that she was staying in, after doing a lot of unnecessary driving on the way while we were deciding where to go. She had a dinner with her family so I headed back to the farm(where I kind of live).
Where I live is about 15-20 min drive from the town that we met in at first. The second town we went to was about 15-20 mins away from there. And the last town that we got to after going through a couple towns was also like 20-25 mins away or a little more cause of the route we ended up taking. Then to drive back from that town to the farm was about 30-40 mins, maybe more. I had to drive all of this, some alone and some with Lilly, while hungover and super tired.
All and all it was a super fun day despite all the driving and tiredness. I waited at the farm and was really excited, although nervous for the hair part. My hair has never been completely dyed before and we didn't go for just a one color thing, we mixed. This is when they started doing their thing, at first it was okay, but with my anxiety about my hair it finally got to me. At one point they obviously whispered to each other, I think it was because we ran out of dye, but they would not tell me what they said and got mad at me for asking. Things like that really get to me because I can't stand not knowing.
I also am that kind of person who thinks that if I am not there, I am being talked about. So it was really hard for me to deal with that.
Also while writing this, I realize that while I was waiting for them to come over my friend's mom(basically my mom, I live with and stuff) said something really hurtful to me which is probably why I am actually upset. Maybe I should talk about this instead, maybe I will in another post.
Anyways, they both got super tired and annoyed cause it was late and Sandra had to drive Lilly home because it was at my house and I had already driven her a lot that day. Although they stayed until it was done and helped me blow dry it so they could see. They were really excited about the color, it isn't exactly what I wanted, but I think I like it too. Whenever I do something to my hair it takes a while for me to get used to it. After they saw it and said it looked good they left. Thinking about it now I shouldn't really be upset and I think that it was more the hurtful comment from earlier/anxiety/tiredness. I really appreciate them for coming out to the farm and helping me with my hair, I just wish they didn't have to tease me. I will make a post later about being that friend(the third wheel) cause I always am.
I am actually super glad I wrote this out because even though I feel like breaking down right now, I realize it inst because of what my friends did.
I'm sorry that this was a really long dumb story with no real reason or interest, but it really helped me. I will make more posts pertaining to the things I said earlier and they should make more sense, I will also probably make another New Years post because it is something I would like to talk about.
For now, I am sorry to be such a downer, but I hope your new year has started out better than mine.
This quote I found on Tumblr is something I really relate too and it reminds me of what happened tonight. Sorry for the sad things!
“The thing about depression is you think you’re over it, but it’s 3 PM and you’re surrounded by your friends laughing about something stupid and you feel it, you feel the loneliness creeping in. You feel the sadness even though you’re laughing. You’re depressed and you don’t even know how to fix it.”
| — | 3PM depression// (via ugh) -thefloralwitch I think I will call my dad now, it is finally midnight so it is his birthday! |
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
What a New Year
Something about me that you will probably learn from this blog is that I absolutely LOVE quotes. I am a sarcastic b**** most of the time, but if you actually get to know me you will know I am quite an emotional person who has a crippling weakness for inspiring quotes. Not all of them though, I refuse to admit that I like silly quotes like "all you need is love" and such, but I like more than I would care to admit.
Anyway, I eventually would like to make a spot on my blog for the quote of the day or week or something, but at this point I don't really know how.
Since it is New Years eve, I figured I should make some post about resolutions or something, but since it is almost time for my plans of the night, I don't really have time to write some motivational list of what I plan to improve about myself next year. This is where the cheesy quotes come in, I have a folder of pictures of quotes and such that I have saved from Tumblr on my computer and I thought it would be a good way to end the year by sharing some of my favorites.
I'm sorry if the layout isn't great, but, like I said, I really don't know how to work this yet.
Also I don't own any of these photos, they are all saved from Tumblr.
Anyway, I eventually would like to make a spot on my blog for the quote of the day or week or something, but at this point I don't really know how.
Since it is New Years eve, I figured I should make some post about resolutions or something, but since it is almost time for my plans of the night, I don't really have time to write some motivational list of what I plan to improve about myself next year. This is where the cheesy quotes come in, I have a folder of pictures of quotes and such that I have saved from Tumblr on my computer and I thought it would be a good way to end the year by sharing some of my favorites.
I'm sorry if the layout isn't great, but, like I said, I really don't know how to work this yet.
Also I don't own any of these photos, they are all saved from Tumblr.
I hope you enjoyed these and I hope you have an amazing New Years celebration and an even better year!
I know that holidays like this can be hard for people for a variety of reasons, for me it is my anxiety/depression/family issues that make celebrating hard, but I hope that you all know that you are loved and there are people that care about you! You deserve to have a good time, so let any pain you are holding onto go, and enjoy yourself!
with love, thefloralwitch
What a Username
It is the second day in and I feel like I need to briefly explain my username because it is kind of strange. My username, thefloralwitch, means nothing really in particular. It has nothing to do with my name or who I am really, but it is my most recent tumblr URL and I love it. I sometimes joke that I am a witch(cause it is cool and also I am evil) and I love almost everything floral print, so that is how the name came to be and I have no idea how long it will stay.
Anyways, I hope you had an amazing day or you are about to have an amazing day, depending on where you are from.
Much love, the(now explained)floralwitch
Anyways, I hope you had an amazing day or you are about to have an amazing day, depending on where you are from.
Much love, the(now explained)floralwitch
What a Confession
This blog is so silly, so unimportant, so boring and badly organized, but it is me and it means a lot to me. I don't plan to get a million followers or even a hundred, I know it is definitely not at that level, but I just want someone to care about it.
I just want this blog to mean something to someone.
I want someone to read this stupid blog and feel less alone. My ultimate goal it to help someone in any way possible, whether it becomes a safe place for someone to come, a silly thing to laugh at or a place for advice. It seems so silly that my dumb words would help someone, but I think it would be the coolest thing in the world. So if you read this, I know it is nothing special, but please stay. Who knows? I might actually get good at it someday. haha.
Yesterday was the beginning of this blog and I have already spent a lot of my time trying to promote it, checking for views and just thinking about it in general. So far I only have 12 views and it disappoints me every time I come back to no change. This is a very bad attitude for me to have about it because even the most popular blogs started out like this, but I guess I am just kind of vain and I would love to see positive results from something I have created.
For now, thefloralwitch
I just want this blog to mean something to someone.
I want someone to read this stupid blog and feel less alone. My ultimate goal it to help someone in any way possible, whether it becomes a safe place for someone to come, a silly thing to laugh at or a place for advice. It seems so silly that my dumb words would help someone, but I think it would be the coolest thing in the world. So if you read this, I know it is nothing special, but please stay. Who knows? I might actually get good at it someday. haha.
Yesterday was the beginning of this blog and I have already spent a lot of my time trying to promote it, checking for views and just thinking about it in general. So far I only have 12 views and it disappoints me every time I come back to no change. This is a very bad attitude for me to have about it because even the most popular blogs started out like this, but I guess I am just kind of vain and I would love to see positive results from something I have created.
For now, thefloralwitch
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
What a Concentration
My senior year of high school(last year) I was in AP art which is an art class where you submit a portfolio with 24 artworks to be reviewed and graded like an AP test. If you score a 4 or a 5 on the test you are awarded with college credit. 12 of the photos are to based on a central idea or theme, this is your concentration, the other 12 are the breadth section, which is artworks that represent your skills and demonstrate good examples of the elements and principles of design. You are able to choose between a 3D, 2D or drawing portfolio, mine was a 2D portfolio that was completely photography.
In this post I am going to post my artist statement along with my concentration photos. I will upload my breadth in a separate post so that there are not too many photos for one post.
When I first decided to use the floral print as a main aspect of my concentration my idea was to have it represent things that people see negatively, like my piece where the floral print is on a bottle of alcohol. When I looked at the finished picture I thought about why people see alcohol negatively and I realized it was about addiction, people don’t judge alcohol, they judge the people who drink it. This made me realize that I wanted my concentration to be more personal and have more meaning than just negative things. That is when I decided to change my concentration to the things that don’t define a person. I wanted my photos to help remind people that humans aren't perfect and you shouldn't judge someone because of that. A quote that helped inspire this is, “I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” by Augusten Burroughs. This just shows that people aren't their mistakes or shortcomings in the past, they are much more than what anyone can see, “they are not where they are from, they are where they are going”.
This was my concentration in no particular order. I hope you enjoyed looking at some of my art, I will post my breadth soon!
In this post I am going to post my artist statement along with my concentration photos. I will upload my breadth in a separate post so that there are not too many photos for one post.
The central idea of my concentration is about judgement and what doesn't define a person. I used floral print to draw attention to the things people are judged or confined by.
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| You are not how much you drink |
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| You are not what you eat |
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| You are not your gender/sexual orientation |
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| You are not the people you have lost |
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| You are not your weight |
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| You are not your education |
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| You are not your makeup |
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| You are not your medication |
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| You are not your mistakes |
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| You are not your race |
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| You are not your reflection |
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| You are not your religion |
This was my concentration in no particular order. I hope you enjoyed looking at some of my art, I will post my breadth soon!
For now, thefloralwitch
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